How you live you life is your choice whether it is the right way or not, but along the way there will be change whether it is physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally.
How you handle it is up to you......
August, 1 2011
I went into surgery for the very first time and hopefully the last.
I had to get a corrective jaw surgery and that's really all I can say about the surgery, but along with that surgery I had to sleep overnight at the hospital, (I hate hospitals so it was a struggle haha.) and I had to be on a liquid diet for about 4 weeks it wasn't as bad as I expected, but I lost 10 pounds and I was very weak, the last thing was it changed my looks.....
Now with all that said I will start by saying having a past of hatred towards myself and the way I looked, it was not easy going into this surgery knowing I would never look the same ever again.
After I got out of surgery and I was settled into my room and I was awake enough to ask for a mirror, my first thought was I look so gross.... my hair is so dirty... haha I didn't even think about my face, but then I finally zeroed into my face I didn't recognized the girl in the mirror, I knew those sad eyes I thought to myself "I've seen these sad eyes before.." but the face I never knew before..
I couldn't talk very well and my face was so numb I couldn't feel a thing, and my nose would bleed randomly!
Finally I got to go home!
Except it was just worse being at home with mirrors surrounding me, and the pain just got worse cause I hated taking my medicine cause it was so gross it was all liquid medicine! YUCK!!!!!
By the third and fourth day everything that I had gone through had started to set in...
The third day I cried all day cause I couldn't even laugh or smile cause it hurt so bad!!!!
Also I cried cause I couldn't do the simplest things like wash my hair... My mom had to wash it for me..
The fourth day I cried all day cause I thought I would have to give up my senior year of volleyball!!!(which I didn't have to give up volleyball I am on varsity and playing in the games, at first I had to wear a mask but I don't have to anymore.)
Also I had a headache that lasted for almost two days... I couldn't even take medicine for it cause the taste was making it worse, I also kept getting really sick and threw up three or four times that day!!
Thankfully I had the best mommy in the world! I texted my mom in the middle of the night and she came down and took care of me and did I mention she massaged my head for an hour until I fell asleep and the headache was gone!! haha yeah best mommy in the world!!
After that things started to look up although I was still very swollen!
My dad would try to get a picture everyday so we could see the difference (they are really funny btw.
If your lucky I might post them on here at the end haha)
Anyways by this point which was a week, I still avoided mirror's and my birthday was on the 9th of August not a fun birthday but a very good friend of mine made it the best birthday for me!
Skip to week three.
Still very swollen! finally looked in the mirror and just cried for an hour I had no clue who this stranger was...
I looked at my mother and told her "This body doesn't belong with this face... This hair doesn't belong with this face.... These eyes don't even belong with this face..." Note how I couldn't even say my face? I couldn't own it as mine cause it wasn't me! Every morning I would wake up and look at a stranger whether I liked it or not I had to get used to it...
Week six i got my splint out!!! YAY!! For Food
Skip to a week ago.
I don't have the splint in anymore and I'm not swollen anymore!
Oh best part I can eat food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha anyways I woke up one morning and I just said why?
Got up and read this "letter from God" and I highlight whatever stands out to me in it, I noticed this one part in the letter, I didn't understand why I was just now noticing it.
It read, "I am aslo the Father who comforts you in all your troubles when you are brokenhearted, I am close to you." So I highlighted and went downstairs, I had finished breakfast and started to clean my dishes and thought about that sentence and I had to realize I was brokenhearted. I just didn't understand why it had to be me that had to go through finding myself again. I still don't know who I am exactly but I know she isn't far from who I was before the surgery.
My life started as a challenge with hating myself so much that I would do anything to change myself and hurting myself just to do so, It started to look up with time I finally loved myself, change came and the challenge just increased, but with time I will find that girl I am supposed to be and I can only be who im made to be and no one can change that! Not even a life changing surgery!
Sincerely A Diamond In The Rough!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Monday, April 25, 2011
Who Defines Our Beauty?
In our world image is everything to women, What style fits us, how our bodies should look, how to wear our makeup, etc., and the list goes on, but in reality we use "Image" to cover up our flaws, and to hide our secrets.
Most of my life growing up I was put down and I started to believe it and would hide behind my "Image". I tried to cover up my flaws, but the more I tried to cover them up the more they showed.
Recently, I realized that our flaws are what makes our personalities, not what we make them up to be, Flawless. In life your going to have flaws, there is no such thing as flawless, a person who seems flawless is hiding behind this big image that they have created for themselves. Our flaws will always end up showing, no matter how hard we try to hide them, but it is up to us to let them shine and except them and let those silly flaws make up our personalities and we need to except ourselves for who we are.
So who defines our beauty?
We do, but we have to keep in mind the one who gives us our beauty...
God, He created us in His own image and He shaped us and molded us into the beautiful creatures we are.
We are A Diamond in the Rough, still being molded and shaped.
We just have to let Him continue to build more of His creation into us and open up our mind to His beautiful and creative mind
Isaiah 62:3 You shall also be so beautiful and prosperous as to be thought of as a crown of glory and honor in the hand of the Lord, and royal diadem (exceedingly beautiful) in the hand of your God.
Sincerely, A Diamond in the Rough
Most of my life growing up I was put down and I started to believe it and would hide behind my "Image". I tried to cover up my flaws, but the more I tried to cover them up the more they showed.
Recently, I realized that our flaws are what makes our personalities, not what we make them up to be, Flawless. In life your going to have flaws, there is no such thing as flawless, a person who seems flawless is hiding behind this big image that they have created for themselves. Our flaws will always end up showing, no matter how hard we try to hide them, but it is up to us to let them shine and except them and let those silly flaws make up our personalities and we need to except ourselves for who we are.
So who defines our beauty?
We do, but we have to keep in mind the one who gives us our beauty...
God, He created us in His own image and He shaped us and molded us into the beautiful creatures we are.
We are A Diamond in the Rough, still being molded and shaped.
We just have to let Him continue to build more of His creation into us and open up our mind to His beautiful and creative mind
Isaiah 62:3 You shall also be so beautiful and prosperous as to be thought of as a crown of glory and honor in the hand of the Lord, and royal diadem (exceedingly beautiful) in the hand of your God.
Sincerely, A Diamond in the Rough
Saturday, August 21, 2010
Capturing you're True Beauty!
Every girl will sit there and bash their body and constanty wish that we could look like a super model..
Some will even start to eat healthier and some will even exercise. Then again, there are those girls who will go to great lengths to get that super model body by becoming Bulimic (and for those who don't know what that is, it is an eating disorder, common especially among young women of normal or nearly normal weight, it is characterized by episodic binge eating and followed by feelings of guilt, depression, and self-condemnation. It is often associated with measures taken to prevent weight gain, such as self-induced vomiting, the use of laxatives, dieting, or fasting. Also called bulimarexia, bulimia nervosa.)
Being bulimic is a scary thing but gilrs will do it just to be "beautiful" but I'm not writing this blog to tell you about what is common among most young women to become skinny..
I'm writing this to try and help women to see themselves the way God has made them.
I'm going to be honest I struggled with my body image for two years I stopped eating (which is called anorexia) and then I saw my friend, who also was anorexic and having stomach problems because of it, so I stopped. But still, I was not happy with my body. My friend gave me a book to read and in it there was a character who was bulimic. I thought to myself, wow, this is a great way to escape from life! I can eat but I can just throw it back up and still become that "beautiful" girl with the model body.
This went on for almost a year and I kept on with my life. My father, who is the pastor of my church suggested I should get baptized, at this time i was 13 years old. I had agreed with him and we started to study and prepare myself to get baptized. So I got baptized, right afterwards as I was getting dressed, I had some time to kill and so I prayed for the first time in 6 months. I was praying for my friends and other people and then I heard God say, "Christina, you are so Beautiful." I didnt understand why I was hearing this, but I kept hearing it so I finally responded with... "What?" and He told me I was a rare jewell in His eyes, and that I can't care what people think about me, I need to care about what my God thinks of me.. because He created me, and I truely wanted to change my life for Him.
So, for those who think they are not pretty enough, I want to give you two steps to see your True Beauty in your own eyes..
1. Stand in front of a full length mirror
2. Take one simple thing like your lips or your eyes etc, and look long and hard and find the beauty in it.
Now, as I did this, it helped me to see my True beauty, so i want you to do this until you have taken each part of your body and found beauty in them. It may take awhile, but if you are having a hard time on one thing keep searching for that True beauty.
Because when you find yourself beautiful, you experience True and Pure Happiness.
Sincerely A Diamond in the Rough
Some will even start to eat healthier and some will even exercise. Then again, there are those girls who will go to great lengths to get that super model body by becoming Bulimic (and for those who don't know what that is, it is an eating disorder, common especially among young women of normal or nearly normal weight, it is characterized by episodic binge eating and followed by feelings of guilt, depression, and self-condemnation. It is often associated with measures taken to prevent weight gain, such as self-induced vomiting, the use of laxatives, dieting, or fasting. Also called bulimarexia, bulimia nervosa.)
Being bulimic is a scary thing but gilrs will do it just to be "beautiful" but I'm not writing this blog to tell you about what is common among most young women to become skinny..
I'm writing this to try and help women to see themselves the way God has made them.
I'm going to be honest I struggled with my body image for two years I stopped eating (which is called anorexia) and then I saw my friend, who also was anorexic and having stomach problems because of it, so I stopped. But still, I was not happy with my body. My friend gave me a book to read and in it there was a character who was bulimic. I thought to myself, wow, this is a great way to escape from life! I can eat but I can just throw it back up and still become that "beautiful" girl with the model body.
This went on for almost a year and I kept on with my life. My father, who is the pastor of my church suggested I should get baptized, at this time i was 13 years old. I had agreed with him and we started to study and prepare myself to get baptized. So I got baptized, right afterwards as I was getting dressed, I had some time to kill and so I prayed for the first time in 6 months. I was praying for my friends and other people and then I heard God say, "Christina, you are so Beautiful." I didnt understand why I was hearing this, but I kept hearing it so I finally responded with... "What?" and He told me I was a rare jewell in His eyes, and that I can't care what people think about me, I need to care about what my God thinks of me.. because He created me, and I truely wanted to change my life for Him.
So, for those who think they are not pretty enough, I want to give you two steps to see your True Beauty in your own eyes..
1. Stand in front of a full length mirror
2. Take one simple thing like your lips or your eyes etc, and look long and hard and find the beauty in it.
Now, as I did this, it helped me to see my True beauty, so i want you to do this until you have taken each part of your body and found beauty in them. It may take awhile, but if you are having a hard time on one thing keep searching for that True beauty.
Because when you find yourself beautiful, you experience True and Pure Happiness.
Sincerely A Diamond in the Rough
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