How you live you life is your choice whether it is the right way or not, but along the way there will be change whether it is physically, emotionally, spiritually, or mentally.
How you handle it is up to you......
August, 1 2011
I went into surgery for the very first time and hopefully the last.
I had to get a corrective jaw surgery and that's really all I can say about the surgery, but along with that surgery I had to sleep overnight at the hospital, (I hate hospitals so it was a struggle haha.) and I had to be on a liquid diet for about 4 weeks it wasn't as bad as I expected, but I lost 10 pounds and I was very weak, the last thing was it changed my looks.....
Now with all that said I will start by saying having a past of hatred towards myself and the way I looked, it was not easy going into this surgery knowing I would never look the same ever again.
After I got out of surgery and I was settled into my room and I was awake enough to ask for a mirror, my first thought was I look so gross.... my hair is so dirty... haha I didn't even think about my face, but then I finally zeroed into my face I didn't recognized the girl in the mirror, I knew those sad eyes I thought to myself "I've seen these sad eyes before.." but the face I never knew before..
I couldn't talk very well and my face was so numb I couldn't feel a thing, and my nose would bleed randomly!
Finally I got to go home!
Except it was just worse being at home with mirrors surrounding me, and the pain just got worse cause I hated taking my medicine cause it was so gross it was all liquid medicine! YUCK!!!!!
By the third and fourth day everything that I had gone through had started to set in...
The third day I cried all day cause I couldn't even laugh or smile cause it hurt so bad!!!!
Also I cried cause I couldn't do the simplest things like wash my hair... My mom had to wash it for me..
The fourth day I cried all day cause I thought I would have to give up my senior year of volleyball!!!(which I didn't have to give up volleyball I am on varsity and playing in the games, at first I had to wear a mask but I don't have to anymore.)
Also I had a headache that lasted for almost two days... I couldn't even take medicine for it cause the taste was making it worse, I also kept getting really sick and threw up three or four times that day!!
Thankfully I had the best mommy in the world! I texted my mom in the middle of the night and she came down and took care of me and did I mention she massaged my head for an hour until I fell asleep and the headache was gone!! haha yeah best mommy in the world!!
After that things started to look up although I was still very swollen!
My dad would try to get a picture everyday so we could see the difference (they are really funny btw.
If your lucky I might post them on here at the end haha)
Anyways by this point which was a week, I still avoided mirror's and my birthday was on the 9th of August not a fun birthday but a very good friend of mine made it the best birthday for me!
Skip to week three.
Still very swollen! finally looked in the mirror and just cried for an hour I had no clue who this stranger was...
I looked at my mother and told her "This body doesn't belong with this face... This hair doesn't belong with this face.... These eyes don't even belong with this face..." Note how I couldn't even say my face? I couldn't own it as mine cause it wasn't me! Every morning I would wake up and look at a stranger whether I liked it or not I had to get used to it...
Week six i got my splint out!!! YAY!! For Food
Skip to a week ago.
I don't have the splint in anymore and I'm not swollen anymore!
Oh best part I can eat food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Haha anyways I woke up one morning and I just said why?
Got up and read this "letter from God" and I highlight whatever stands out to me in it, I noticed this one part in the letter, I didn't understand why I was just now noticing it.
It read, "I am aslo the Father who comforts you in all your troubles when you are brokenhearted, I am close to you." So I highlighted and went downstairs, I had finished breakfast and started to clean my dishes and thought about that sentence and I had to realize I was brokenhearted. I just didn't understand why it had to be me that had to go through finding myself again. I still don't know who I am exactly but I know she isn't far from who I was before the surgery.
My life started as a challenge with hating myself so much that I would do anything to change myself and hurting myself just to do so, It started to look up with time I finally loved myself, change came and the challenge just increased, but with time I will find that girl I am supposed to be and I can only be who im made to be and no one can change that! Not even a life changing surgery!
Sincerely A Diamond In The Rough!
